January 2021

Audio of this post read by the author.

One of my favorite movies when I was a kid was “The Never Ending Story.” At the end of that movie the story is on the verge of ending forever and Fantasia, the fictional world, is encased in darkness. Bastian and the Empress, Moon Child, are having a dialogue trying to save Fantasia. In the end Bastian saves Fantasia, but all that is left is a grain of sand. Moon Child gives the grain of sand to Bastian and tells him that he can recreate Fantasia, which he does. For the 81+ million Americans who voted for Joe Biden, this is a strong allegory for how we felt when his win was confirmed. American democracy will prevail. Fast forward to January 6th, 2021.

I started this post on the evening of January 7th, 2021. On that day, I just didn’t have the heart to finish it then, nor do I have the heart now. The text below, “Electoral College 2021: Insurrection” will live in this state forever. To bring this post up-to-date, I’ve appended this post with a section called, “Impeachment, Trial, Acquittal and Personal Aftermath.”

Electoral College 2021: Insurrection

When friends asked me my immediate opinion on the serious events that are happening in a moment, I always respond, “I’m a slow cooker.” I always like to think serious things through before responding.  Today is one of those days.

At 6:28 PM yesterday, I texted one of my most trusted friends and ask, “Penny for your thoughts on what’s happening now?” All across the world, I’m sure the images pouring across everyone’s screens were domestic insurgents storming the U.S. Capitol because they were sold, brought, and paid for a lie perpetuated by one of the most prolific liars to ever gain public office. My friend responded, “You?” and returned my penny to me.

I responded:

I was focused on the Senate race in Georgia, which both Reverend Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff won. I had a moment of rejoicing in that this was the outcome of those senatorial races in Georgia.

I took a minute to continue assessing how I felt and replied:

Before, I show you my friend’s reply, I want to give you some context to her response to my “not feeling much” reply.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to speak to my friend and her husband (who is also one of my favorite people on planet earth) in person. I had just explained to her that when I feel sad or when I don’t want to discuss something, I go radio silent. I just don’t like to verbalize aurally things that make me sad or things that I don’t want to discuss. Eventually, I pull myself out of my stupor and I begin to function again in society.

My friend replied:

My reply was:

— This was the end of that original blog post. I had to walk away from it. I just couldn’t finish it. — Fast forward to the impeachment, the trial, and the acquittal.

Impeachment, Trial, Acquittal and Personal Aftermath

I am going to start with the good. I’ve never been as engaged in U. S. politics as I have during this election and post-election cycle. Since November 2020, I have watched hundreds, if not thousands, of hours of news and I’ve learned the names of many of the politicians whose job it is supposed to be to govern and pass laws that have the U.S. citizenry’s best interest as their guiding principal. I’ve learned so much and I am fully engaged.

Being fully engaged has exposed me to the truly ugly. I have learned, in one of the harshest ways possible for me, that when it comes to power, whether held by a single person or a group of people, to govern a larger body of people (realistically, the U. S.), some people will only serve to enrich themselves and to hold on to power at all cost. They will abdicate their own morals, values, and responsibilities, and in doing so, cede their own power. There are a lot of gutless and spineless suits walking around Washington, DC.

I watched most of the impeachment. (FULL DISCLOSURE: I couldn’t stomach watching the defense. I hate being lied to and treated like I am an idiot. I don’t tolerate this is my personal life and I damn sure won’t tolerate it when the telling of those lies has an effect on myself and others.) I watched House managers put on a powerful case with evidence, proving the guilt of individual #1. I tried to watch the other side, but they completely ignored and did not address the evidence provided. The other side provided no real defense, but put on spectacle of false equivalencies that will perpetually decay, rot and stink throughout the rest of recorded time. Every second I watched, I knew, I JUST KNEW, that the fix was in. How can you have a trial where the jury are co-conspirators and are shills for the defense? Not all, but some of the jury. HOW?! Not one of them who defended the seditious insurrection and who abdicated their responsibility will escaped the lens of hindsight and history. There will be a pox on all of their houses.

Upon hearing the unsurprising 57 votes for and 43 vote against conviction (67 votes for was needed to convict), my initial reaction was a blinding rage that burned so hot and so deep, I had to quarantine in my room with the hope that no one would contact me and face my wrath. My emotions were all over the place and nothing good would have come of speaking with anyone in the direct aftermath. As the day wore on, that wrath stayed with me through that evening and most of the next day.

As the next day progressed, my anger abated, but what took hold of me next was so much worse. Pure unadulterated sadness. I wrote:

I am down. I just want to disconnect, to not acknowledge anything. But to not worry my friends, I answer the calls. I respond to the texts. Just to give the “appearance” of normalcy. Inside I am shattered. I don’t/can’t/won’t trust the country of my birth.

In retrospect, I believe I felt and continue to feel this way because even after the election in 2016, there was still a kernel of hope left in me. That kernel has been obliterated. I have no hope left that some of the people in power in the U. S. government will do what is right and what is best for the greater good for ALL of its citizenry.

This country has exhausted me and I am mourning the death of my hope that things will change in my lifetime or the next generation’s lifetime. If you have some hope you can spare, please share your hope in the comment box below.

Winter S., Savory Sweet Neat

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